August 15th, 2014 by The Watermelon Guy


It was bound to happen sooner or later. Over the years, during my grocery shopping unloading chores, I’ve dropped cartons of eggs, jars of pickles and even a bottle of soda which popped its top and sent a geyser of root beer all over the kitchen.

But this past weekend, after twenty-something years of doing my own grocery shopping, I finally dropped a watermelon. You can see the results above. What you can’t see is me standing there in the parking lot next to my car, simultaneously fighting the urge to cry and yell four-letter words for all the world to hear.

The horrifying event happened in what seemed like slow motion. I placed the watermelon in a plastic grocery bag (you can see where this is headed, right?), but I didn’t double bag it. Yes, I know, I really should have double-bagged it – and I usually do – but on this day, I didn’t.

As I was lifting the bag out of the cart and moving it into the trunk of my car, the bottom of the bag suddenly opened up, and my beautiful, seedless snack began its descent to the hot pavement four feet below.

My eyes widened when I saw it happening. My free hand immediately lunged forward in a desperate attempt to catch the fruit, but it was too late. I got a fingertip on it, but my effort wasn’t enough. Down, down, down it went, hitting the parking lot with what sounded like a combination between a hollow thud and a wet splat. (What was most shocking, was how fast the juice flowed from that split watermelon. What you see above happened in just the 15 seconds it took me to put the rest of my groceries in my car.)

After I composed myself, I considered my options. I could scoop up the remnants and toss them in the trash, or I could gather the broken watermelon and try to salvage it to enjoy later. Seeing no major dirt and grime on the red flesh, I opted for the gathering and salvaging option. I also decided to snap a quick photo of the crime scene because I knew this would be a story worth telling.

UP NEXT: The People’s Choice voting in our 2014 Watermelon Carving Contest begins!

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