I must confess I own exactly zero pieces of watermelon-themed dishes, serving vessels and other kitchen accessories. My wife has never purchased any and, being a man, societal standards prevent me from buying something like that for myself. (When it comes to the kitchen, men are only allowed to get excited about griddles, garbage disposals and anything bacon-themed.)

And so, I indulge my inner watermelon fanatic by giving away cool-looking stuff like this month’s prize – the watermelon platter. Check that thing out! The platter measures 11 inches and is ceramic with a high gloss finish.

What I like is that it’s all shiny and realistic looking. Mostly realistic, that is. Normally, watermelon seeds are toward the center, not close to the rind, but that platter would still look awesome piled high with burgers, steak, or even slices of watermelon. Or bacon! Maybe if I used it to serve giant piles of bacon, it would be okay for me, as a man, to buy this platter and be excited about it. (I just checked with society, and the answer is still “no.”)

I’ll choose one comment from all the comments left on the blog this month to receive this prize. Good luck!

When I was a kid, I collected coins. I had one of those books that you could put pennies and nickels in. There was a spot for the 1974 penny and a spot for the 1975 penny and so on. It was fun, but that was pretty much the extent of my currency collecting hobby.

So when a friend forwarded me a CoinWeek.com article about an auction for a piece of paper money called a “watermelon note,” I was immediately curious. Turns out, it’s a $100 bill, which got its name because the zeros in the “100” on the back were designed to subtly mimic the rind of a watermelon. That’s a picture of it above.

Personally, I would have called it the “dog bone note” thanks to the design in the lower right or maybe even the “two moths checking out a ‘C’ note” because of the scheme on the left. Neither are as catchy as the “watermelon note” which is probably why no one asks me to come up with nicknames for money.

Anyhow, if you’re interested in bidding on the bill, the online auction ends on February 3. The current bid is $95,000 and it’s expected to reach close to $150,000.

For me, dessert at a football party usually consists of one last slice of pepperoni pizza, a handful of cheese curls and a side of ranch dressing (just in case). But if the party served something like today’s recipe, I’d probably skip the side of ranch and opt for this instead.

WATERMELON S’MORES

INGREDIENTS

1 cup graham cracker crumbs
1/2 cup chocolate fudge sauce
4 sliced 2″ x 4″ x 1″ rectangles of seedless watermelon
1 cup mini marshmallows

DIRECTIONS

Sprinkle the graham cracker crumbs over the centers of four plates. Drizzle 1/3 of the fudge sauce over the crumbs. Place a watermelon rectangle over the crumbs and chocolate on each plate. Drizzle 1/3 of the chocolate fudge sauce over the watermelon. Sprinkle the marshmallows over the watermelon and drizzle the remaining chocolate fudge sauce over the marshmallows.

I’ve written in the past about how fans of a certain professional football team in Canada have made a tradition of wearing watermelon helmets on game day. The team has no known connections to watermelon, although the team color is a very watermelon-like shade of green, so I’m not really sure what sparked this practice. Probably a mixture of alcohol and boredom.

I’m not suggesting that anyone wear a watermelon helmet during the upcoming “big game” on February 5, but I would like to offer the following step-by-step guide to carving your own watermelon helmet (adapted from the instructions on the National Watermelon Promotion Board website). Unlike the fans’ helmets, this one isn’t for your head, it’s for filling with fruit salad. It’ll be empty by half time though, so what you do with it after that is completely up to you.

MATERIALS NEEDED

Large carving knife
Small paring knife
Large spoon
Small spoon
Potato peeler

STEP 1 – Using a round watermelon, slice off a piece approximately four inches from the stem. Set this piece aside to create the facemask later. Although you can’t tell from this photo, the watermelon I used was one of those small volleyball-sized personal watermelons (those aren’t dinner plates).  I’d recommend using a larger watermelon — something closer to the size of an actual football helmet –  if you can find one this time of the year.

STEP 2 – Make a curved cut from one side of the melon to the other to create the face portion of the helmet. Hollow out the entire melon. I used an ice cream scoop to get most of the red stuff out and then used a regular spoon to scrape the inside down to the white rind (that part took a little while). As you can see, my mini watermelon yielded quite a bit of juicy goodness. There was actually a lot more, but I ate it while I was scooping it out.

STEP 3 – To make the mouth guard part of the helmet, take the piece that was set aside in step #1 and place it cut side down. Postion knife at the center of stem end and cut in half. Remove flesh. Then cut the top part (the stem part) off of that section so it lays flat when you put it in the helmet.

STEP 4 – Carve mouthpiece with a small paring knife and use a potato peeler to shave off the green skin. To assemble, place mouth piece on a plate. Place the helmet piece on top, pushing the ends of the facemask towards the inside of the helmet. Use toothpicks to keep the mouth guard in place, if you need to. Fill with fruit salad, crab dip, or your head.

I’m not even sure why I’m spoiling this blog entry by adding words to it, because the two photos above do a pretty good job on their own of communicating the awesomeness of this cake.

This miracle of modern baking was created by the Divine Cake Company of Knoxville, TN. To say that the artists (yes, artists) at the Divine Cake Company are good at what they do would be an understatement.

The testimonials received by the Divine Cake crew speak for themselves. Excerpts include:

“The cakes were unbelievably over-the-top gorgeous, and oh, so delicious!!”

“WOW!  Let me say it again. WOW!”

“Hey, who brought the watermelon? Seriously guys, does anyone know who – wait, WHAT THE!”

The recipe below is actually part of a larger recipe for lobster spring rolls, which can be found on the National Watermelon Promotion Board website. I omitted the spring rolls, not because there’s anything wrong with them (they actually sound pretty awesome), but I just figured they were a little too complicated for a football party.

So what are you supposed to do with watermelon sweet and sour sauce? How about anything you want? You can put it on a meatball sub (example below), use it as a dipping sauce for pizza crust and hot wings, or even slow cook some of those mini hot dogs in it. You can even do shots of this stuff during the fourth quarter. I wouldn’t stop you … in fact, I’d probably join you.

Watermelon Sweet & Sour Sauce

INGREDIENTS

1 cup watermelon puree
1 tablespoon sesame oil
2 tablespoons seasoned rice bran vinegar
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 tablespoon fresh minced ginger

DIRECTIONS

Mix ingredients together and serve as a dipping sauce. Makes about 1 1/4 cups.

A few years ago, something called the Cow Parade made a stop in my area. For those who don’t know, the Cow Parade is a traveling public art exhibit that encourages local artists to paint a hundred or more life-sized fiberglass cows, which are then displayed throughout the region, both indoors and out. The Cow Parade has appeared in cities all over the world, including dozens of major U.S. cities, including Chicago, Houston and Atlanta.

It’s really fun to see the different designs that are painted on the cows, but one thing I’ve noticed is that there have been several watermelon-themed cows created over the years.

Cow Parade – Tokyo, Japan (2006) – “Suica” (watermelon)

This is the only watermelon cow I could find of the “lying down” variety, but I like this one because of the incredible attention to detail, including the realistic stripes and stem spot on top.

Cow Parade – Atlanta (2003) – “Watermelon Helen and Crazy Crow Cousins”

This design comes complete with a cowbell. The “Crazy Crow Cousins” can be seen perched on Watermelon Helen’s back.

Cow Parade – West Hartford, CT (2007) – “MelonCOWly”

What can I say about a sculpture like this, except that it’s one of the most memorable watermelon-themed cows I’ve seen.

Mark Twain is one of the most frequently quoted pundits in history. There’s a good reason for that – when you write a bunch of books, have a cool moustache, and spend a lot of time down South just hanging out and shooting the breeze, being quoted a lot is bound to happen.

Among the pearls of wisdom attributed to Mr. Twain are such unforgettable lines as “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog,” and “The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right,” and “I don’t care if ‘ain’t’ ain’t a word, I wrote the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn! Ain’t, ain’t, ain’t!”

One of my favorite Mark Twain sayings is about watermelon, and I’ve taken the liberty of inscribing it below on a piece of, what else, watermelon. I’m not sure if this quote was in any of Mr. Twain’s written works or if it was just something he said one day while enjoying a heavenly slice of watermelon. Either way, they’re wise words from a wise man.

All right, I’ll admit that this week’s Super Sunday watermelon recipe doesn’t fit the traditional mold when it comes to football party food, but if it tastes good, who cares.

In addition to tasting good, these granita-filled lime cups (a half lime, hollowed out and filled with an Italian ice-like mixture) can easily be decorated to resemble little footballs, sort of like my crude photo-editing attempt below. This new look will definitely help them fit in with the hot wings, pizza, and corn chips also being served at the party. 

GRANITA-FILLED LIME CUPS

INGREDIENTS

6 limes (12 halves) (reserve 2 tablespoons of juice)
1 cup sugar
2 cups water
4 cups watermelon cubes
1/2 cup currants or raisins
Crushed ice (optional)

DIRECTIONS

To make lime cups: Cut limes in half lengthwise; cut around pulp of each half with sharp knife, leaving peel intact. Scoop out pulp, using spoon to loosen pulp from peel, and reserve 2 tablespoons lime juice for granita. Set lime cups aside.

Stir together sugar and water in small saucepan; heat to boiling. Cool slightly. Place watermelon in container of food processor; pulse to puree watermelon. Place colander over bowl; pour pureed watermelon into colander to strain out seeds, forcing watermelon through with back of spoon, if needed. Stir reserved lime juice and cooled sugar mixture into pureed watermelon. Pour into 13x9x2-inch pan; freeze until firm, about 4 hours.

To serve, scrape out frozen watermelon mixture with spoon to make granita. Stir in currants for seeds. Add football laces design using whatever creative methods at your disposal (optional). Mound granita in lime cups; serve on bed of crushed ice.

I’m kind of a geek when it comes to meeting celebrities. I get all star struck and way more excited than I probably should. So when National Watermelon Promotion Board Executive Director Mark Arney emailed me the photo and description below about his recent run-in with Dr. Oz, I knew I’d be posting it here on the blog for the whole world to see. I just hope Mark was a little cooler about his meeting with the King of Daytime Talk than I would have been.

AN ENTRY FROM NATIONAL WATERMELON PROMOTION BOARD EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR MARK ARNEY:

It was a cold, rainy December day when I strode into the lobby of NBC studios in Rockefeller Plaza in New York City. I was on a mission to deliver a plaque to Dr. Oz on behalf of the watermelon industry. He’s been saying some really great things about watermelon’s healthy attributes, and I felt he deserved a big thanks!

The real beneficiaries of this free publicity are his viewers. His TV show has become the number one talk show in America, and people look to him as a reliable and a trustworthy source of health information. In my family that includes my wife, Karen. When I told her of my plans to meet Dr. Oz, she naturally wanted to come along.

To make this visit possible, Juliemar, in the National Watermelon Promotion Board office, secured two tickets to the show. When we arrived, we weren’t sure we could get the plaque pass security, but we did. After a long wait in line we entered the studio. Before they seated us, I mentioned to one of Dr. Oz’s staff people that I wanted to give the doctor a plaque. He said he’d see what he could do, and we were seated just before the show started.

About half way through the taping, I saw one of the staffers point me out to Dr. Oz. Dr. Oz then started walking towards us. Once he got to our seat he shook my hand and told me how much his whole family loved watermelon. He thanked me for the plaque and invited us to stay after the show so we could get some pictures and talk a few more minutes about watermelon.

Karen and I were thrilled that Dr. Oz took time from his very busy schedule and was so gracious and down to earth. It was a great experience that Karen and I will remember forever! Oh, I almost forget to mention that the topic of the show was Alzheimer’s disease. Dr. Oz and one of his guests talked about how eating fruits and vegetables can help prevent this dreaded disease. I guess it was only fitting that fruits and vegetables were one of the “guests” on the same day I presented him with a plaque thanking him for educating the public on the benefits of eating watermelon!