I recently traded in my old phone for a new one, like any new phone owner, I can’t seem to put the darn thing down. I blame it on the fact that there are so many cool programs (aka “apps”) that you can download for it.

There are apps that tell you where the police are hiding to help you avoid getting a ticket, apps that help you find a good restaurant in your area, and even a “fake phone call” app that will call you at a time of your choosing to help you get out of a sticky situation. (I haven’t used it yet, but I’m sure I will.)  

And then there are the games. The many, many, many games. Some are free and some a buck or two, but nearly all of them are more addictive than a watermelon milk shake. Speaking of watermelon, there are a few games featuring my favorite fruit that I recently downloaded and have taken a liking to.

One is appropriately titled “Watermelon!” and it was released only a few days ago. For 99 cents you can download the game, which pits you against evil robots. Your only ammunition is watermelon rinds, which you create by eating watermelon and then throw the rinds at the robots to make them slip and eventually return them to the moon. It’s not a complicated game (most of the games aren’t), which is part of what makes it so fun.

I’m not sure if watermelon rinds would make a good weapon in a real life robot war (a high-powered seed shooter seems like a better choice), but they do the trick in this game. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some robots to fight.

Yes, it’s a watermelon bus stop. No, I don’t know why someone designed a watermelon bus stop, but I think it’s pretty cool nonetheless, don’t you?

So you’re snacking on chips and fire and ice salsa, chowing down on a few dozen watermelon glazed mini barbeque meatballs and you’ve just polished off your second pulled pork and watermelon barbeque sandwich. Chances are, you’re getting thirsty. That’s where this recipe
comes in.

It should be noted that this recipe is very flexible. You can add lots of things to it to give it some extra “punch”… if you know what I mean.

WATERMELON PUNCH

INGREDIENTS

1 large watermelon
6 cups watermelon juice (see directions)
2 cups pineapple juice
1 can (12 ounces) frozen raspberry juice blend
1 small can (6 ounces) frozen orange juice concentrate
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 lemon (sliced) (optional)

DIRECTIONS

First, cut a hole in the top of your watermelon, similar to the photo above. Scoop out all the watermelon (you’ll use it to make the juice) and set the watermelon aside to be used as the punch bowl. If you can’t find a whole watermelon, don’t worry. You can use sliced watermelon to make the juice and put the punch in regular (i.e. boring) punch bowl.

To make watermelon juice, process small chunks of watermelon, with seeds removed, in a blender or food processor until they turn to liquid. Make more than you need for this punch, freeze the extra in ice-cube trays, and use the watermelon cubes to chill the punch. Combine all ingredients in a large jar or pitcher and chill. Add watermelon ice cubes immediately prior to serving. Yields 12 to 14 servings.

JANICE K. ASKS: What does a watermelon farmer like yourself do during the watermelon offseason? You work pretty hard, so hopefully you can take some time off!

Thanks for your question, Janice. I would like to say that I rest and do nothing, but that’s not the case. The life of a farmer is busy pretty much year round and the actual “off season” is very short.

I grow watermelons from South Florida to Michigan, so it seems like there is always something going on. When there is some downtime, most of my time is spent reviewing the previous year and making plans for the next season. Still, the off season does give me more time off than the growing season, and when I have some time off I spend it with my family!

Fans of the Saskatchewan Roughriders – a professional football team in the Canadian Football League – have found another use for watermelons… as helmets. It seems “Rider Nation,” as the team’s fan base is called, has started a tradition in which true Roughrider fans show up to games wearing a hollowed out watermelon as headgear.

Apparently the trend has even caused a shortage of watermelons at supermarkets in the days preceding a game. Before the football league’s Grey Cup tournament in November 2009, thousands of watermelons had to be special ordered by Calgary grocery stores to keep up with the demands of Roughrider fans.

If you’re interested in making your own watermelon helmet – even if you just want to wear it around the house – here’s a video that teaches you how. I just hope all those fans found an equally good use for the watermelon they scooped out of the rinds before they put them on their heads.

Here’s another four ingredient recipe that would make a good addition to a football party buffet line. Did I mention this recipe includes two cans of beer? I don’t think I need to say any more.

PULLED PORK AND WATERMELON BARBEQUE SAUCE

INGREDIENTS

1 4-to-5 pound pork butt
24 ounces dark beer
2 cups BBQ sauce
2 cups minced seedless watermelon

DIRECTIONS

Pressure cook or slow cook the pork butt in the beer until the meat is pull-apart tender (in a covered roaster all night in a 275 degree oven, or under pressure about 45-50 minutes or according to manufacturer’s directions). Cool, trim and discard the fat from the meat. Chop the meat and re-heat. Warm the barbecue sauce and, just before serving, stir in the watermelon. Serves 8 to 12.

Whenever I’m out shopping, I’m always on the lookout for watermelon-related things. Gum, hats, T-shirts, wallpaper, serving dishes… once you start looking for it, you see watermelon things everywhere. That’s why I’ve created a new monthly entry here on What About Watermelon aptly titled “Things That Taste Like Watermelon.”

For my first Things That Taste Like Watermelon column, here are some drug store items you might find that have been given the taste of one of America’s favorite fruits. I’m not saying these items taste good or that I’ve even tasted them myself, I’m just saying the package makes the claim that it tastes like watermelon. Enjoy!

WATERMELON TOOTHPASTE

Thanks to the good folks at Colgate, the world now has watermelon-flavored toothpaste. Or at least kids do. This is, after all, a children’s toothpaste. We know that because it says so on the package and it tastes like a delicious fruit. Why can’t adult toothpaste taste like delicious fruit? For that matter, why can’t I, as an adult, buy this toothpaste and use it for myself? Other than having to hide when company visited, I don’t see any reason why I can’t!

WATERMELON LIP STUFF

I call this “lip stuff” because I’m not really sure what it is, but I know you’re supposed to put it on your lips. It’s called Lip Smackers and it comes in many flavors, including watermelon. Admittedly, I’m not much a lip stuff kind of guy. I’ll use it from time to time, but it’s only because I found a two-year-old lint-covered tube of it in the pocket of an old winter coat. If I had watermelon-flavored stuff, though, I might use it more often.

WATERMELON PEPTO BISMOL

Here’s another watermelon-flavored medicine cabinet staple made exclusively for children, but instead of liquid form that this is usually in, this product comes in tablets. Seriously, why can’t they make this for adults? Do they think we like the taste of stuff as it already is? I’m going on a serious letter-writing campaign as soon as I post this entry.

Coming up in next month’s edition of Things That Taste Like Watermelon – drinks!

ALEX ASKS: My friends and I were wondering what would happen if you microwaved a whole watermelon. Any ideas?

Interesting question, Alex. I’m assuming you’re microwaving a watermelon purely for scientific research, because I can’t really think of any other reason to microwave a whole watermelon. Whatever your reasons are, I’m going to say DON’T PUT A WATERMELON IN THE MICROWAVE. It’s not a good idea and it’s a waste of a perfectly good watermelon.

That said, let’s start with some basics about how microwaves work. The process of heating food in a microwave is actually caused by a reaction between the water molecules in the food item and the microwaves passing through it. The microwaves cause the water molecules to spin and give off heat energy. During this spinning process, the water molecules are rubbing against other water molecules, creating a chain reaction and causing things to heat up very quickly.

So you can imagine what might happen to something like a watermelon, which is 92 percent water by weight, and whose watery interior is effectively sealed off by a thick rind. You’re probably imagining lots of pressure building up inside as the watermelon heats up and something disastrous happening when the watermelon reaches its breaking point, right?

I scoured the Internet for answers and found a video that shows what happens when you microwave a sliced watermelon (nothing exciting), but no videos or testimonies of whole watermelon nuking. Similar videos showed the results of microwaving watermelon-like foods such as tomatoes (nothing), bananas (burned and charred but no explosion) and eggs (boom!).

You’re going to be disappointed with my final answer, Alex, but the truth is, I’m not really sure what would happen if you put a whole watermelon in a microwave. I thought about testing it out, but good sense and my love of watermelon prevented me from taking such drastic action. My advice again is this: DON’T PUT A WATERMELON IN THE MICROWAVE. If you have a watermelon and you really want to do something crazy with it, I’d suggest using it to make some sweet and sour watermelon chicken.

Bon Appétit,
The Watermelon Guy

There’s really nothing you can’t love about the name of this recipe. Watermelon? (Awesome.) Glazed? (Bring it!) Mini? (Okay, bigger is usually better when it comes to food, but let’s move on.) Barbeque? (Keep talkin’.) Meatballs? (Are you kidding? You had me at “watermelon.”)

Since the crock pot full of meatballs is a staple at just about any football gathering, this dish should fit right in. I can almost guarantee these meatballs would be great as part of a meatball sub. Or maybe just consumed by the bowlful while being dipped in bleu cheese dressing.

I should also mention that this recipe has only four ingredients. FOUR! And that’s including the meatballs!

WATERMELON GLAZED MINI BARBEQUE MEATBALLS

INGREDIENTS

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
24-36 frozen prepared mini meatballs
1 cup prepared barbecue sauce
1 cup watermelon puree

DIRECTIONS

Heat the oil in a large heavy sauté pan over medium high heat or electric skillet set on 325°. Sauté the mini meatballs until browned and hot. Reduce heat to low. Mix together the barbecue sauce and watermelon puree. Pour over the meatballs and simmer for a few minutes. Serve hot. Serves 6 to 8.

I know I said I’d post these recipes every Sunday in January, but I couldn’t resist posting this one early. Don’t miss this Sunday’s recipe for watermelon glazed mini barbeque meatballs!

What’s a Super Sunday football party without a great salsa? And I’m not talking about the salsa you open and then pour into a bowl five minutes before everyone shows up. No, I’m talking a real, homemade salsa. Seriously, if you’ve never made homemade salsa, now’s the time and this is the recipe. Enjoy!

FIRE AND ICE SALSA

INGREDIENTS

3 cups seeded and chopped watermelon
1/2 cup green peppers
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 tablespoon chopped cilantro
1 tablespoon green onion
1-2 tablespoons jalapenõ peppers

DIRECTIONS

Combine ingredients; mix well and cover. Refrigerate 1 hour or more. Makes 3 cups.